Monday, August 31, 2009

Stupidest Warning Labels

"DO NOT put any person in this washer"

"6PCS Precision screwdriver set not to be inserted into PENIS"

"Do not eat Ipod shuffle" (found on apple's website)

"We are sorry that our president is an idiot, we did not voted for him" (on an american clothing label, in french)

"Be careful of bad language on this mobile phone, because a partner's feeling is going to be bad" (on a cellpone)

"If you cannot read (...) warnings, do not use this product"

"All ranges can tip if you or child stand sit or lean on open door" (on an oven)

"Do not iron" (on a lottery ticket)

"Machine can fall over and cause serious injury or death" (on a vending machine)

Friday, August 28, 2009

Microsoft and tomatoes

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. "You are employed."He said.

"Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start." The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email. " I'm sorry", said the HR manager,"If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buya 10Kg tomato crate.He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round.In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late.Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a car, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire.Can you imagine what you could have been if you had anemail?!!" The man thought for a while and replied,

" Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story: M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life. M2 - If you don't have internet, but work hard, you can be a millionaire. M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy, than a millionaire... ... ... .

Have a great day !!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

HATE letter

Read this "HATE letter". It is so funny and creative. This is a love letter from a boy to a girl... .

However, the girl's father does not like him and want them stop their relationship... ...
and so.. the boy wrote this letter to the girl..
he knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter..

1----"The great love that I have for you
2---- is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3---- grows every day. When I see you,
4---- I do not even like your face;
5---- the one thing that I want to do is to
6---- look at other girls. I never wanted to
7---- marry you. Our last conversation
8---- was very boring and has not
9---- made me look forward to seeing you again.
10--- You think only of yourself.
11--- If we were married, I know that I would find
12--- life very difficult, and I would have no
13--- pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14--- to give, but it is not something that
15--- I want to give to you. No one is more
16--- foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17--- able to care for me and help me.
18--- I sincerely want you to understand that
19--- I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20---if you think this is the end. Do not try
21--- to answer this. Your letters are full of
22--- things that do not interest me. You have no
23--- true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24--- I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25--- I am still your boyfriend."

So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE LINES", meaning-only to read (Odd Numbers)
So.. Please try reading it again! It's so smart & sweet...

Friday, August 21, 2009

Apology....... !!

A humble apology!! Sorry for whatever happened..!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Only Kancil 660

Boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down.

His secretary walked up to him and asked, 'Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' This was not a phrase that Her Boss understood, so he went into his Office looking a bit puzzled.

When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his Zipper was not zipped up. He zipped up and remembering what his Secretary had told him, finally understood.

He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary. When he reached her desk, He said, 'When you saw the garage door open did you see my jaguar parked In there?' The secretary smiled for a moment and said, 'No, Boss I didn't. All I saw was a Kancil 660 with 2 flat tires

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

10 Marketing Concepts

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

2. You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him!"

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call her and say, "Hi, I am very rich. Marry me!"

4. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You get up and straighten your tie. You walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her. You pick up her bag after she drops it. You offer her a ride and you say, "By the way, I am very rich. Will you marry me?"

5. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich. Can you marry me?"

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and say, I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and before you can say anything, another person comes along and tells her, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and before you can say anything, another person comes along and tells her, "I am very rich. Marry me! And she follows him.

10. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and before you can say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" YOUR WIFE TURNS UP!

Monday, August 17, 2009


Whenever you find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

To Err is human, but to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

The road to success??.. Is always under construction.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you have ability to repay back.

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.

If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot.

As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.

He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.

If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.

Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.

If you have paper, you don't have a pen. If you have a pen, you don't have paper. If you have both, no one calls.

Especially for engg. Students : If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.

After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.

If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.

Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.

There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Well done is better than well said .

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.

Where there is a WILL, there is a WAY, Where there is MONEY, there are many WAYS.

Where there is MONEY, there are many FRIENDS and RELATIVES.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Cancel Your Credit Card Before You Die

It's all about money for CitiBank Credit Cards when you die... ... This is too funny! It takes all kinds to make the world go round. Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is easy to see happening, customer service being what it is... .

My Aunt died this past January. Citibank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge... the balance had been $0.00... Now it was somewhere around $60.00. I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:

Me: 'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'

CitiBank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Me: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections'

CitiBank: 'Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been.'

Me: 'So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

CitiBank: 'Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau maybe both!'

Me: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

CitiBank:'... excuse me... ?'

Me: 'Did you just get what I was telling you... the part about her being dead?'

CitiBank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!'
(Supervisor gets on the phone)

Me: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'

CitiBank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Me: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

CitiBank: '... ..(stammer)' '... . Are you her lawyer?'

Me: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info given... )

CitiBank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Me: 'Sure.'

(Fax number is given)

(After they get the fax.)

CitiBank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death'

Me: 'Oh... '

CitiBank: 'I don't know what more I can do to help..'

Me: 'Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her... I suppose... Don't really think she will care... .'

CitiBank: 'Well... the late fees and charges do still apply.'

Me: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
CitiBank: 'That might help.'

Me: 'Nilai Memorial Park Cemetery ( North South Highway and plot number given.)

CitiBank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Me: 'What do you do with dead people on your planet?'

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Joke Of The Day

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. The girl watches him and says, "You must be a dentist" The guy, surprised, says "Yes ... how did you figure that out?" The girl says, "Easy ... you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they were done, the girl says, "You must be a great dentist." The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Yes, I sure am a great dentist.. How did you figure that out?" The girl says, "Easy ... I didn't feel a thing!"

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

What a mess !!!!

Oh...........What a mess !!!!


Remember when you last said to a visitor "sorry about the mess, I haven ' t done my cleaning yet today!"

- Well, you ' ll never say it again after seeing this!!!

Where did she sit or sleep for that matter???
By the looks of it she didn ' t move very far from here...

This is an actual apartmentfound in Houston after the Evacuation for the hurricane.
This is NOT hurricane damage.... Hard to believe there wasn ' t a fire with all the cigarettes.

Did this woman ever hear of an ashtray?

All the Febreeze and Clorox in the world...Is not going to help this mess!

NOOOOO not the Computer!!!

Notice the small ' butt free ' area around the bottom of the mouse where her hand rubbed the mouse pad and what keys on the keyboard that where used...OK...... Here come the Gross Parts!!!

I am sure She had intentions of cleaning.......But, probably put it off till tomorrow~

So, after looking at this... It is safe to say that Your house is not so bad afterall.....

Take an afternoon break--have a cup of tea to celebrate the wonder of YOU.