Sunday, February 28, 2010

Difference between appraisal and resignation

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"

Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "

Trainee: "Yes I do"

Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"

Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation

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In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.

In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.

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In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.

In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.


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During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.

During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.

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There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.

There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.


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Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign ... !!!"

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Words women use

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.


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Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.


Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


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Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".


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Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!


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Loud Sigh

Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".


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That's Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


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Thanks

This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.


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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

ME and MY BOSS

ME and MY BOSS


When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough


When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,


When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,


When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
He is cooperating,


When I make a mistake,
I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
He's only human.


When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
He's on business.


When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
He must be very ill.


When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview .
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked


When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
He never forgets


what to do?????????????

Monday, February 22, 2010

It does not matter Who you are........

May be you are The King of the World...



May be you are most dangerous...


May be you are independent...


May be you rule others or rule the World...


May be you are loved by evveryone...


Either you are a Gentleman...


Or the most Dangerous Killer...


But The fact is this...
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When you are at home...
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...Wife is Wife...

...Does not matter Who the Hell are you...

Crazy not stupid

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH (Institute of mental health)
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.
As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.



One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened.
The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem...

no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."


HereĆ¢€™s what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre.

Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the IMH?"



Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Same service

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said,


"When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it`s all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."


"Why complain ?" said the counselor, "You re still getting the same service!"