Saturday, May 30, 2009

Husbands For Sale

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch ... . You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Innocently Stupid..

A man comes running to the doctor shouting & screaming in pain "Please doctor you've got to help me. I've been stung by a Bee."

DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."

MAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

DOCTOR: "No you don't understand! I'll put some cream on the place you were stung."

MAN: "Oh! It happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree"

DOCTOR (in anger): "No, no you IDIOT! I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting."

MAN (still screaming in pain): "On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts"

DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting): "Which one?"

MAN (innocently ): "How am I to know? All bees look the same to me."

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Aurorageneration Come to work Happy!

Difference between you and your boss

This is so true!

When you take a long time to finish,
you are slow,
When your boss takes a long time to finish,
he is thorough

When you don't do it,
you are lazy,
When your boss does not do it,
he is busy,

When you do something without being told,
you are trying to be smart,
When your boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,

When you please your boss,
you are apple polishing,
When your boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,

When you make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.

When you are out of the office,
you are wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office,
he's on business.

When you are on a day off sick,
you are always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave,
you must be going for an interview
When your boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked

When you do good,
your boss never remembers,
When you do wrong,
he never forgets

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

New Ohio Roller Coaster

New Ohio Roller Coaster

With a record-breaking height of 420-feet and record-breaking speed of 120 mph, Top Thrill Dragster delivers on its promise of thrilling riders this summer at Cedar Point .. The Last picture says it all. :))

Lucky Guy

lucky guy @ today's joke

Monday, May 25, 2009


Not exactly pontifically correct - but... ... ... ... ... ?

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation.
This has been nominated for the best email of 2005. The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!... Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No... just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter... just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy... tea... meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy... .rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Something To Cheer You Up

1. England has madcow,
Hong Kong has Macau,
Russia has Moscow,
S'pore has 2 famous cows- 'Cow-peh and cow-bo'

2. When ur life is in darkness... ...
Pray 2 God and ask Him 2 free u from darkness... .. and
If u r still in darkness..Pls pay ur TNB bill.

3. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
You can be sure of one thing;
Either the car is new or the wife.

4. An angry china man entered a shop and shouted :
Where's my free gift with this cooking oil?
Shopkeeper : What free gift??
China man : Oi, here got put "Cholesterol FREE!"

5. If u need ADVICE, SMS ME,
If u need HELP, E-MAIL ME,
IF U NEED MONEY, Nombor yang anda dail, tiada dalam perkhidmatan kami, TerimaKasih.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Take A Break ..

TaB #1
Policeman: you can't park your car here.
Driver: why not?
Policeman: read the sign!
Driver: i did, it says, "Fine to Park", so i parked.

TaB #2
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's Invisible". The Doctor said, "Tell him i can't see him"

TaB #3
A man is buying a TV.
Man: Do you have color TV's?
Salesman: Sure
Man: Give me the Green one, please.

TaB #4
I remember one time i told my Doctor i had a ringing in my ears. His advice to me, "Don't answer it"

TaB #5
A man calls Air Asia.
Man: How long does it take to fly to Kuching?
Sales Rep: Just a sec
Man: Thank you - says the man and hangs up

TaB #6
FedEX is expected to joinits major competitor UPS, and become FedUP!

TaB #7
The patient says" Give me the bad news first"!
Doctor replies "You've got AIDS"
"Oh no,what could be worse than that? ask the patient.
"You've also got Alzheimer's disease"
Patient - Oh ... well, that's not so bad. At least i dont have AIDS.

TaB #8
Things people actually said in Interview. Word for word.
Q - What is your date of Birth?
A - July 15
Q - What year?
A - Every year lo..

TaB #9
What did one Ghost say to another?
"Do you believe in People?"