This is the actual answering machine message for the school at Midlands,
England. It came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and
Parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.
The school and teachers are now being threatened with legal action by some
parents who want their children's failing marks changed to passing marks - even
though those children were absent 15-30 times during the term and did not
complete enough schoolwork to pass their various key stages.
************ The outgoing message: ********* *****
'Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school.
In order to assist you in connecting to the right member of staff, please listen
to all the options before making a selection:
* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
* To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work - Press 2
* To complain about what we do - Press 3
* To swear at staff members - Press 4
* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your
Newsletter and several letters posted to you - Press 5
* If you want us to bring up your child - Press 6
* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
* To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
* To complain about bus transport - Press 9
* To complain about school lunches - Press 0
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and
responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not the
teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a really
If you want this in other languages, you must be in the wrong country. This is
England, now piss off.