Jet Li Vs Spielberg

VS

Jet Li walked into a pub in New York with his pal.
He says to his pal : "Hey! That's Steven Spielberg over there!

God, I wish he'll come over to say "Hi".

Spielberg suddenly walked over and gave the man a punch on the nose.

Li : "Hey!! What that's for?!"

Spielberg : "You bloody Japanese killed my granddad when you bombed Pearl Harbour!"

Li : "I'm not Japanese! I'm Chinese!"

Spielberg : "Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, you're all the same!"

Spielberg walks back to the other side. Then Jet Li calmly walks over to Spielberg and gives him a really heavy punch on the face.

Spielberg : "Hey! What that's for... .. !?!"

Li : "YOU BLOODY ASSHOLE! YOU SANK THE TITANIC!"

Spielberg : "No, I didn't, an iceberg sank the Titanic!"

Li : "Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you're all the same!"

Crocodile Warning Sign

Before & After Marriage

Before marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

Now after the marriage you can read it from below to top !!!!

Husband of the year

Tongue Twisters

1. If you understand, say "understand" . If you don't understand, say " don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand". How do I understand that you understand? Understand!
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2.I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
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3. Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.
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4 ..A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.
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5 .. Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People
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6 ..If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?
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7 ..I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.
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8 ..Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"
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9.Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside.

Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside.

Mr Outside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.
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10..SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES
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11.. The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn. **********

12..If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?

"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"
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13..We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. Watch? Whether the weather is hot.

Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.
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14..Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely .
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15 .A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue
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16..If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.
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17..Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw .....
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Top ten ways to annoy your waiter

10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip.
9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"
8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!"
7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage".
6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!"
5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.
4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"
3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard.
2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!"
1. Three words: eat the check.

Kissing Competition Win $200 000.00 worth of prizes::!!!!!!!!!!!

Think about it....if it's ok for u to kiss....than join the competition.............cheers....
Come on, don't be shy!!!!!! You could use the money it's February we are all broke ......

10 minutes, non stop and not just a baby kiss I mean a 10 minutes French kiss. You know...tongue and everything.. and win...

$ 50 000.00 voucher from David Jones ,

$ 45 000.00 Harvey Norman furniture voucher,

$ 30 000.00 voucher from Leather Zone,

$ 25000.00 voucher from Meyer ,

$ 5000.00 from Billabong and another

$ 5000.00 from Flight Center ,

and last but not least

$ 40 000.00 in cash money.



FOR THE LADIES.....







FOR THE GUYS .......

The Perfect Husband

Brutal rape

Ordering Pizza in yeat 2020

Operator : " Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your.."

Customer : " Hello, can I order.."

Operator : " Can I have your multipurpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer : " It's eh.. hold on.. 6102043338-45-54610"

Operator : " Ok.. you're ... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office 76452302 and your mobile 014-2662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer : " Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"

Operator : "We are connected to the system, Sir"

Customer : May I order your Seafood Pizza.."

Operator : " That's not a good idea Sir."

Customer : "How come?"

Operator : " ACcording to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, Sir!"

Customer : " What?,.. What do you recommend then?"

Operator : " Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer : " How do you know for sure?"

Operator : " You borrowed a book entitled 'Popular Hokien Dishes' from the National Library last week Sir."

Customer : " Ok, I give up.. Give me three family size one then, how much willthat cost?"

Operator : " That should enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"

Customer : " CAn I pay by credit card?"

Operator: " I'mafraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card over the limit and you're owing your bank$3720.55 since October last year.That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan."

Customer : " I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cah before your guy arrives"

Operator : " You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today."

Customer : " Nevermind ust send the pizza, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : " About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motocycle.."

Customer : " What "

Operator : " According to the details in system, you own a Scooter, .. registration number..B3337BZ

Customer : " $%#@^^%^#"

Operator : " Better watch your languange Sir. Remember on 15th JUly 1987 you were convicted of using abusive languageto apoliceman..?"

Customer : [Speechless]

Operator : " Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer : " Nothing.. by the way.. aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertise?"

Operator : " We normally would Sir, but based on your records, you are also diabetic... "

^%&*^$&*^$*#%$*(^&*... ..

Funny Mail Box Of The Day

Do not simply park anywhere !!

Irish College Entrance Exam

Irish College Entrance Exam





Now, scroll down for the answers










That's alright ... I didn't pass either!

An attractive young girl Vs ugly old lady

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor's office.

"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.

"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take
your clothes off."

"No, not me," said the girl. "it's my old aunt here."

"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue...."

Engrish

Too Good!!! Enjoy!!!

China is the place to be for English teachers