Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, 'Order, order.'
The drunkard immediately responded, 'Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda.'
Man Quits Smoking Because Of Will Power.
He Quits Drinking Because Of Will Power.
But He Quits Womanizing Because He Has The Will But No Power.
Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter ?
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,shouting,
'Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!'
'That's great, Sweetheart,' said her daddy.
'Come in to the living room and tell me about it.'
'Well,' began the confession, 'I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science.'