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WHY MEN DIE FIRST!!

WHY MEN DIE FIRST!!

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries... ...
but, now we know.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat
race... ..
you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework... you're a pansy.
If you work too hard... there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough... you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay... this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay... ..you should get off
your
lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her... ..that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you... ... it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks... ... it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet... ... ... .it's male indifference.
If you cry... ... ... ... you're a wimp.
If you don't... ... ..you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her... ... ... you're a
chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you... ... she's a liberated
woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy... ... . that's
domination.
If SHE asks you... ... ... it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear... ... you're a
pervert.
If you don't... ... ... ... ..you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in
shape... ... ... ... ..you're
sexist.
If you don't... ... ... ... ... ..you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape... ... ... ... ... .you're vain.
If you don't... ... ... ... ... .you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers... ... ... ... .you're after something.
If you don't... ... ... ... ... ... ..you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements... ... ..you're full of yourself.
If you don't... ... ... ... ... ... ..you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache... ... ... ... she's tired.
If you have a headache... ... ... ... .you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often... ... ... you're oversexed.
If you don't... ... ... ... ... .there must be someone else.
Men die first because they want to.

Funny Sports Moments

Upgrade of Computer System from boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0

Dear IT Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5...0, MONEY 3.0 and FOOTBALL 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

__________________________________________________________________________
_

Lets see how IT support's Replies :

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

12 Reasons why women stay single......

Why do girls cut their pictures and leave only their faces

Mr. Bean

BRAIN TUMOR

Doctor : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean : Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor : Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!



DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend : condolence, my friend.

(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder

Friend : what now?
Mr. Bean : my sister just called, her mom died too!




MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:

Teacher : What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean : 9
Teacher : What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean : Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

High School Fighter