Why bicycle shorts should always be black

Why bicycle shorts should always be black and not RED
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When women rule the world

Chicken Story Joke

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all. Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"

Brilliant Girls Answers

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!

SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours�

�

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?

SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too !

�

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?

SHE: I must have been given your share !

�

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?

SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend !

�

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!

SHE: Okay, get out!

�

HE: I think I could make you very happy

SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

�

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?

SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!

�

HE: Can I have your name?

SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

�

HE: Shall we go and see a film?

SHE: I've already seen it!

�

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?

SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck !

�

HE: Where have you been all my life?

SHE: Hiding from you.

�

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

�

HE: Is this seat empty?

SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .

�

HE: So, what do you do for a living?

SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

�

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?

SHE: Do not enter.

Best Cyber Cafes in India

New Car Operating System Joke

Bill's company made software to run a car.

Bill was taking a test ride of the car. Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.

Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.

A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to stop?"

Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught fire.

In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.

He started shouting "F1! F1!" but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.

Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.

A message appeared on the screen, "An illegal function is performed.

All the window-panes of the car will be closed." Poor Bill died.

Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him, "You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life. You always stole the code from others. We are going to send you to hell."

Bill pleaded, "I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a computer, please."

Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer, but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard.

The Fish and the Turtle

Once upon a time there was a fish. And just because it was a fish, it had lived all its life in the water and knew nothing whatever about anything else but water. And one day as it swam about in the lake where all its days had been spent, it happened to meet a turtle of its acquaintance who had just come back from a little excursion on the land.

"Good day, Mr. Turtle!" said the fish. "I have not seen you for a long time. Where have you been?"
"Oh", said the turtle, "I have just been for a trip on dry land."

"On dry land!" exclaimed the fish.
"What do you mean by on dry land? There is no dry land. I had never seen such a thing. Dry land is nothing."
"Well," said the turtle good-naturedly. "If you want to think so, of course you may; there is no one who can hinder you. But that's where I've been, all the same."

"Oh, come," said the fish. "Try to talk sense. Just tell me now what is this land of yours like? Is it all wet?"
"No, it is not wet," said the turtle. "Is it nice and fresh and cool?" asked the fish.
"No, it is not nice and fresh and cool," the trutle replied.
"Is it clear so that light can come through it?"
"No, it is not clear. Light cannot come through it."
"Is it soft and yielding, so that I can move my fins about in it and push my nose through it?"
"No, it is not soft and yielding. You could not swim in it."
"Does it move or flow in streams?"
"No, it neither moves nor flows in streams."
"Does it ever rise up into waves then, with white foams in them?" asked the fish, impatient at this string of Noes.
"No!" replied the turtle, truthfully. "It never rises up into waves that I have seen."


"There now," exclaimed the fish triumphantly. "Didn't I tell you that this land of yours was just nothing? I have just asked, and you have answered me that it is neither wet nor cool, not clear nor soft and that it does not flow in streams nor rise up into waves. And if it isn't a single one of these things what else is it but nothing? Don't tell me."

"Well, well", said the turtle, "If you are determined to think that dry land is nothing, I suppose you must just go on thinking so. But any one who knows what is water and what is land would say you were just a silly fish, for you think that anything you have never known is nothing just because you have never known it."

And with that the turtle turned away and, leaving the fish behind in its little pond of water, set out on another excursion over the dry land that was nothing.

*******

Family problems

Once two men sat in a bar drinking.


The first one said to the other ,"I have a hell lot of family problems."


The second one said ,"I'll tell you mine.


I married a widow having a young daughter.





My father married my daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.


My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.


More problems occurred when I had a son.


My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle.


Situations turned worse when my father had a son.


Now my father's son I.e. My brother is my grandson.


Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.


And you say you have family problems".

Kids View of Marriage and Relationships

Kids View of Marriage and Relationships

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Alan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10
*******

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
"Twentythree is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10

"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." Freddie, age 6

*******

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, 6

"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8
*******

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
"Both don't want no more kids." Lori, age 8
*******

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8.

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." Martin, age 10
*******

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." Craig, age 9
*******

WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
"When they're rich." Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." Howard, age 8
*******

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." Anita, 9

"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaperchanging." Kirsten, age 10
*******

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8

"You can be sure of one thing the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." Roberta, age 7
*******

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." Ricky, age 10

Why American Husbands Listen to their wives ( Information Article )

Women set to outnumber men at work in America

One person's adversity is often another's opportunity. That's certainly proving to be the case in recession-hit North America. A spurt in firing of men and hiring of women has resulted in women now outnumbering men in the Canadian workforce, accounting for 50.9% of the country's 14 million salaried workers.

In the US, too, women now hold 49.8% of that country's 132 million jobs and are projected to cross the 50% mark by the first quarter of 2010 when the US will - according to President Barack Obama - come out of recession.

American daily USA Today has described this as a historic reversal caused by long-term changes in women's roles and job losses for men during recession.

''Women are gaining the majority of jobs in the few sectors of the economy that are growing,'' the newspaper said. As a matter of fact, at the current pace, women could even outnumber male workers in the US by November this year.

Across the border in Canada, there are 160,000 more women in jobs than men, according to The Toronto Star.

Nobody in Canada really noticed when in 2007 women first outnumbered men in the workforce for three months from February to April. But this year, women's dominance in paid employment (50.9%) clearly marks a turning point. This is the first time it has lasted this long and the differences have been significantly high.

In the US, gender transformation is particularly visible in local governments' 14.6 million work force. Cities, schools, water authorities and other local jurisdictions have cut out 86,000 men from payrolls during the recession while adding 167,000 women.
The postal service is cutting tens of thousands of unionised, blue collar jobs dominated by men while new hires are expanding in teaching and other fields dominated by college educated women.

But analysts say these figures could be red herrings and that the historic milestones hold little promise for women in their longstanding battle for economic equality.

The Toronto Star said women still make up about 70% of part-time workers and 60% of minimum wage earners in Canada.

"Nearly 40% are in precarious jobs that are poorly paid with little or no benefits," it said. And the average full-time female worker earns just 71.4 cents for every dollar earned by a man.

In US, the boost has come due to massive job cuts in male-dominated professions such as construction and manufacturing. Through June, men lost 74% of the 6.4 million jobs erased since the recession began. Men have lost over 3 million jobs in construction and manufacturing alone.

Labour economist Heidi Hartmann says the change reflects the growing importance of women as wage earners, but it doesn't show full equality. "On average, women work fewer hours than men, hold more part-time jobs and earn 77% of what men make," she said. Men also still dominate higher-paying executive ranks.

A Policeman Testifies in Court

A Policeman Testifies in Court

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility. ..


Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

*********

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" Line -- I think he'll win.

Congratulations

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.

If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However,

if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.


The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

If paper towels can talk