Sunday, January 31, 2010

Sofa Cat


A drunk gets on a bus. The driver, impatient while the drunk fumbles in his pocket for change, drives off. As the bus starts rolling, the drunk reacts to the sudden movement by stumbling all the way to the back of the bus. The bus stops at the next stop.

He reacts by stumbling to the front of the bus.

Still the drunk man is fumbling in his pocket for change. The bus jerks forward once again, and the drunk stumbles uncontrollably to the back of the bus once again. Next stop, the same thing happens.

In fact, every time the bus stops, the man would stagger to the front. Every time the bus starts, he staggers uncontrollably to the back.

A few stops later, the drunk starts to exit the bus from the front.

"Hey," shouts the bus driver.... "You didn't pay your fare yet!"

The drunk, still reeling, shouts back,

"Why should I?!. . . I walked all the way!"

Sunday, January 24, 2010

14 Humours of getting married..


Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends.

You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you

wish you had ordered that.


At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,

Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other

replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."


Before a man is married, he is incomplete. When he is married,

he is finished.


Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's

degree and the woman gets her master's status.


A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to

get married??" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."


Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man

doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad : "That happens in most countries son."


Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."


A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes


When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

affair ?


Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.


After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a

fool when I married you." And the husband replied,"Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."


A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified : "Wife wanted".The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing

"You can have mine."

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

After 50 years

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck.

"Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going ?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"