Software Upgrade Problem
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs.
And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can i do?
Signed Desperate
Dear Desperate
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoringloudly.wav files.
Whatever you do , DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it has limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance.
One more to add, force-usage of Husband 1.0 will cause rejection or deletion of Wife 1.0 program totally.
Good Luck, Tech Support
Showing posts with label technology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label technology. Show all posts
Monday, March 30, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Too much into Technology
DAD, WHY DO WE NEED FIVE FINGERS, WHEN THERE ONLY TWO MOUSE BUTTONS?
We must be on a mailing list
How come you have given me only a name but no password?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Funny & Interesting Uses of Laptops
When simple computing is not enough
Looking to get the most value out of your laptop? Then check out these unusual ways of using your old trusty notebook!
(Note: actual results may vary, we can not be held responsible for the accompanying data loss :) )
Looking to get the most value out of your laptop? Then check out these unusual ways of using your old trusty notebook!
(Note: actual results may vary, we can not be held responsible for the accompanying data loss :) )
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Ordering Pizza in yeat 2020
Operator : " Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your.."
Customer : " Hello, can I order.."
Operator : " Can I have your multipurpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer : " It's eh.. hold on.. 6102043338-45-54610"
Operator : " Ok.. you're ... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office 76452302 and your mobile 014-2662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer : " Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"
Operator : "We are connected to the system, Sir"
Customer : May I order your Seafood Pizza.."
Operator : " That's not a good idea Sir."
Customer : "How come?"
Operator : " ACcording to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, Sir!"
Customer : " What?,.. What do you recommend then?"
Operator : " Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer : " How do you know for sure?"
Operator : " You borrowed a book entitled 'Popular Hokien Dishes' from the National Library last week Sir."
Customer : " Ok, I give up.. Give me three family size one then, how much willthat cost?"
Operator : " That should enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"
Customer : " CAn I pay by credit card?"
Operator: " I'mafraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card over the limit and you're owing your bank$3720.55 since October last year.That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan."
Customer : " I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cah before your guy arrives"
Operator : " You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today."
Customer : " Nevermind ust send the pizza, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : " About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motocycle.."
Customer : " What "
Operator : " According to the details in system, you own a Scooter, .. registration number..B3337BZ
Customer : " $%#@^^%^#"
Operator : " Better watch your languange Sir. Remember on 15th JUly 1987 you were convicted of using abusive languageto apoliceman..?"
Customer : [Speechless]
Operator : " Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer : " Nothing.. by the way.. aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertise?"
Operator : " We normally would Sir, but based on your records, you are also diabetic... "
^%&*^$&*^$*#%$*(^&*... ..
Customer : " Hello, can I order.."
Operator : " Can I have your multipurpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer : " It's eh.. hold on.. 6102043338-45-54610"
Operator : " Ok.. you're ... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office 76452302 and your mobile 014-2662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer : " Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"
Operator : "We are connected to the system, Sir"
Customer : May I order your Seafood Pizza.."
Operator : " That's not a good idea Sir."
Customer : "How come?"
Operator : " ACcording to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, Sir!"
Customer : " What?,.. What do you recommend then?"
Operator : " Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer : " How do you know for sure?"
Operator : " You borrowed a book entitled 'Popular Hokien Dishes' from the National Library last week Sir."
Customer : " Ok, I give up.. Give me three family size one then, how much willthat cost?"
Operator : " That should enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"
Customer : " CAn I pay by credit card?"
Operator: " I'mafraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card over the limit and you're owing your bank$3720.55 since October last year.That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan."
Customer : " I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cah before your guy arrives"
Operator : " You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today."
Customer : " Nevermind ust send the pizza, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : " About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motocycle.."
Customer : " What "
Operator : " According to the details in system, you own a Scooter, .. registration number..B3337BZ
Customer : " $%#@^^%^#"
Operator : " Better watch your languange Sir. Remember on 15th JUly 1987 you were convicted of using abusive languageto apoliceman..?"
Customer : [Speechless]
Operator : " Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer : " Nothing.. by the way.. aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertise?"
Operator : " We normally would Sir, but based on your records, you are also diabetic... "
^%&*^$&*^$*#%$*(^&*... ..
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Monday, December 8, 2008
Why Bill Gates SOLD OFF Microsoft
Letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some
problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I
find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find'
button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not
provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?
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