Today's Joke

ABCDEFG

2011-11-01T08:38:00.001-07:00

An aunty saw a young couple. The girl asked the boy: "What's the meaning of ABCDEFG?"

The boy answered: "A Boy Can Do Everything For Girls."

The aunty felt so sweet and when she arrived home, she asked her husband: "What do u think about me?"

The husband answered: "ABCDEFGHIJK"

Aunty felt so surprised and asked the husband what did it mean.

The husband replied: "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, and Gorgeous & Hot!"

Aunty was confused and asked: "What about I, J, K???"

Husband replied: "I'm Just Kidding!"

Boss Hidden Meanings Employee Should Know

2011-05-06T06:07:00.001-07:00

1."We will do it" means: "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means: "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means: "We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means: "Its not getting done "At least
not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide, I am very open to views" means: "I have
already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miss-communication" means: "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means: "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means: "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the
deadline" means: "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion" means: "We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means:
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means: "Well even if you told me earlier
that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means: "Well I will tell you where your
fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the
work is not affected," means: "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means: "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means: "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means: "You are in trouble"

Learn english, this is why!

2011-02-28T17:50:00.000-08:00

This is a true story from the Japanese Embassy in US!

A few days ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation
training before he visits Washington and meets president Barack Obama...

The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, "When you shake hand with President
Obama, please say 'How are you?'. Then Mr. Obama should say, 'I am fine, and
you?' Now, you should say 'Me too'. Afterward we, translators, will do the work
for you."

It looks quite simple, but the truth is...

When Mori met Obama , he mistakenly said 'Who are you?' (Instead of 'How are
you?'.)

Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: 'Well, I'm
Michelle's husband, ha-ha...'

Then Mori replied 'Me too, ha-ha...'

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.

20 Hilarious School Exam Answers

2011-02-27T07:20:00.000-08:00

The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England.

These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Whats Good, Bad Worse!

2011-02-07T09:30:00.000-08:00

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can`t find your birth control pills
Worse: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
Worse: You`re in them

Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He`s a cross dresser
Worse: He looks better than you

Good: Your son`s finally maturing
Bad: He`s involved with the woman next door
Worse: So are you

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Worse: With corrections

Good: Your wife`s not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Worse: She`s a lawyer

Good: You get into bed, and she`s feeling horny tonight.
Bad: You are drunk, and are feeling tired.
Worse: You forgot her mother is staying over, and you`ve entered the wrong room.

Stupidity

2011-01-05T06:46:00.000-08:00

Bedsheet 4 boys

2010-12-24T09:52:00.000-08:00

Funny asian

2010-12-03T09:03:00.000-08:00

Extreme examples of laziness

2010-11-13T08:07:00.000-08:00

Mind reading

2010-11-08T10:08:00.001-08:00

Funny Drawings

2010-11-08T05:19:00.000-08:00

Funny Exam Answers

2010-11-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England. These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Breakfast change during years after wedding

2010-11-02T07:50:00.000-07:00

1st year

2nd Year & 3 year

4rd year & 5 year

After 10 years

After 20 years

After 25 years

Trial software...

2010-10-31T09:48:00.000-07:00

Strange and Funny Road Signs

2010-10-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

Pictures taken from just the right angle...

2010-10-23T09:26:00.000-07:00

FOR SURE--Timing and composition is everything !

20 Rules in any office

2010-10-21T08:57:00.001-07:00

1. Rule 1. - The Boss is always right.

2. Rule 2. - If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.

3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.

4. Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.

5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

6.. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

7. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.

8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

9. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it...

12. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

13.. Following the rules will not get the job done.

14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

15. Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous" .

16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing.

18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.

19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.

20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

,

Women And Cars

2010-10-18T06:18:00.000-07:00

A Man With The Biggest Cock

2010-10-15T11:23:00.001-07:00

The worst job in the world

2010-10-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

So you think you have the worst job in the world. Think again!!

Young Me Vs Now Me

2010-10-12T10:36:00.000-07:00

Angle tricks

2010-10-06T09:50:00.000-07:00

Different Types Of Pussy.. (Only for ADULT)

2010-09-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

Different Types Of Pussy..

DON'T SCROLL DOWN IF YOU ARE MINOR
:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

MBA vs. B.E., Student

2010-09-07T00:16:00.000-07:00

A MBA and a BE student go on a camping trip, set up their tent ,and fell asleep.

Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend and says

"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

The BE asks, "What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.

"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

Funny Animals

2010-09-06T19:15:00.000-07:00

Mix Funny Pics

2010-09-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart

2010-09-03T11:00:00.000-07:00

A cow, an ant and an old fart - Read to the end

A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.

The Cow: I give 50 litres of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!!

The Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!

Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something...

Good news and bad news

2010-08-30T22:03:00.000-07:00

An artist asked the gallery owner if anyone had shown interest in his paintings. "I've got good news and bad news," she said.

"The good news is that some guy inquired if it would appreciate in value after you died. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"And the bad news?"

"The guy was your doctor.

Only in Vietnam

2010-08-27T11:08:00.000-07:00

Why parents are always stressed

2010-08-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

The modern woman

2010-08-25T08:20:00.000-07:00

Greatest parents ever

2010-08-24T08:25:00.001-07:00

Medical Dictionary

2010-08-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

Artery………………………. The study of paintings
Bacteria……………………. Back door to cafeteria
Barium……………………… What doctors do when patients die
Benign……………………… What you be, after you be eight
Cesarean Section…… A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan………………….. Searching for Kitty
Cauterize…………………. Made eye contact with her
Colic…………………………A sheep dog
Coma………………………. A punctuation mark
Dilate………………………. To live long
Enema………………………Not a friend
Fester……………………… Quicker than someone else
Fibula……………………… A small lie
Impotent…………………..Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain…………….. Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff…………… A Doctor’s cane
Morbid……………………… A higher offer
Nitrates……………………. Cheaper than day rates
Node………………………… I knew it
Outpatient………………… A person who has fainted
Pelvis…………….. ………. Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative………… A letter carrier
Recovery Room………. Place to do upholstery
Rectum……………………. Damn near killed him
Secretion…………………. Hiding something
Seizure…………………… Roman emperor
Tablet……………………… A small table
Terminal Illness………. Getting sick at the airport
Tumor……………………… One plus one more
Urine………………………. Opposite of you’re out

Today's Special

2010-08-19T10:47:00.000-07:00

We spik Inglish

2010-08-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

How to Sleep at Work

2010-08-17T10:14:00.000-07:00

Computer Problems!

2010-08-16T09:56:00.001-07:00

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called David, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

David clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID Ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

David grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No", I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like that little boy.

Ways to be a Cool Guy

2010-08-13T09:30:00.001-07:00

Do u know why spelling of women starts with “W” ?

2010-08-12T09:04:00.001-07:00

Do u know why spelling of women starts with “W” ?

Becoz all Questions in the world starts with W ..

What ?
Why ?
Who ?
When ?
Which ?
Where ?
Whom ?
Women?:-D

Funny and stupid pics

2010-08-11T09:22:00.000-07:00

Funny Goalkeeper

2010-08-09T07:19:00.000-07:00

Cartoons to make u laugh...relax

2010-08-08T08:23:00.000-07:00

The dreams of 3 animals...

2010-08-04T09:36:00.000-07:00

Mix Funny Pics

2010-08-03T08:43:00.000-07:00

That Make No Sense

2010-07-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

SHORT STORY

2010-07-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

Funny pictures of the day

2010-07-23T09:09:00.000-07:00

Funny Pictures of the Day

2010-07-22T10:36:00.000-07:00

Amazing Evolution of The 21st Century

2010-06-28T10:42:00.000-07:00

The pro & cons evolution of the 21st century:

Cons
====
Our labour - Effortless

Our relations - Fruitless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Worthless

Our mistakes - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our youth - Jobless

Our ladies - Topless

Our boss - Brainless

Our jobs - Thankless

Our needs - Endless

Our situation - Hopeless

Our salaries - Less and less

Pro
===
Our communication - Wireless

Our phones - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our food - Fatless

Our Sweets - Sugarless

Arab student

2010-06-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

Arab student sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when all my Teachers travel by train.

Your Son
Nasser

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:

Loving son,

Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.

Your Dad

We(O)man

2010-06-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

1 . (Whatever)
Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why don't we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time I got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why don't we have Szechwan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan , today too?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..

2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything

3. (You decide)
Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: OK; we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it... For such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can't walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first?
Women: Whatever...
Men: What shall we eat?
Women: Anything..

4. (ANYTIME.)..
Men: At what time do I have to call you?
Women: Any time as u wish
Men: But last time when I call u in the morning u didn't pick up?
Women: I was sleeping.
Men: OK; when I try to call you around 11 am u didn't pick up?
Women: I was shopping with my mother
Men: So, when I try to call you around 2-3 u didn't pick up?
Women: I was tired and relaxing.
Men: Then what about 5 PM?
Women: I was watching a cartoon.
Men: So, then why didn't you pick u phone in the night?
Women: I was studying
Men: Ok then tell me which time is the most convenience time for you to talk.
Women: Anytime.

Weird but true

2010-06-11T10:44:00.001-07:00

Cool Picdump

2010-06-03T09:20:00.000-07:00

.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478583687243754834" />

Quality at its best....!!!

2010-05-25T06:35:00.000-07:00

You Eat What You Touch

2010-05-20T06:50:00.000-07:00

Lifebuoy Hand Wash You Eat What You Touch Ads

Interesting Lifebuoy Handwash advertisements by advertising agency Lowe Jakarta that scares us into washing our hands more often. You eat what you touch - so before you eat something, think about what you have touched previously. Creative way to show how gross it can be when we dont wash our hands.

Elephants never abandon the elderly

A lion never uses his strength to humiliate another.

When two clans gorillas meet,they always avoid conflict.

When a dolphin finds a hurt dolphin, he helps it stay afloat.

Bears don't discriminate when their young are female.

You eat what you touch.

You eat what you touch.

You eat what you touch.

A collection of few funny Signs for Toilets

2010-05-18T05:35:00.000-07:00

Garlic Warning!! (Open Carefully)

2010-05-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

NOTICE TO ALL GARLIC LOVERS…..

For years doctors and scientists have told us that some foods are good for us, only to be told later that they bad for us, and again they tell us that some foods are bad for us, and all the time they've been good for us. There doesn't seem to be much proof either way to suggest what is good or bad, until now that is.

Garlic is definitely BAD for us

"You Are What You Eat"

Garlic Warning!!

SCROLL DOWN...

CRAZY WORLD !!!

2010-05-05T05:42:00.000-07:00

Worlds Largest Water Slide Looks Deadly (FAKE)

2010-04-29T08:50:00.000-07:00

Funny pictures of the day

2010-04-28T09:48:00.000-07:00

People Sleeping Every Where

2010-04-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

Funny pictures of the day

2010-04-24T10:23:00.001-07:00

The unussual pictures

2010-04-18T10:33:00.001-07:00

Friendship !!!!

2010-04-16T10:11:00.001-07:00

Why?

2010-04-12T10:59:00.001-07:00

1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are
getting dead?

2. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not
enough money?

3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?

4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a
revolver at him?

8. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

9. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lips"?

10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

11. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?

12. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

13. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?

14. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the
vacuum one more chance?

15 Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

16. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

17. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off
the table you always manage to knock something else over?

18. In Winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in Summer, when
we complained about the heat in Summer?

19. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

opposite of laughing

2010-04-11T11:01:00.001-07:00

What is the opposite of laughing?

The student says: sex!

The teacher:

Shame on you! How can you say that?

The student:

Laughing is
Ha ha ha,

Sex is
Ah ah ah

Only in Indonesia

2010-04-08T00:10:00.000-07:00

Legal Vs Logical

2010-04-07T07:02:00.000-07:00

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization" , Johnny goes and confronts his lecturer about it...

Johnny: Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?

Professor: Surely I must, otherwise I would not be a professor!

Johnny: Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go.. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam.

Professor: Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?

Johnny: What is legal, but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor could not give Johnny an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Still puzzled, the professor later calls on his best student in his class, Sihle, and asks him the same question.

Sihle immediately answers, "Sir, you see, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal nor logical."

The professor fainted!

The Corporate language !!

2010-03-31T10:05:00.000-07:00

"We will do it"
means
" You will do it"

"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"

"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"

"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"

means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".

"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

"There was a slight miscommunication"

means
"We had actually lied"

"Lets call a meeting and discuss"

means
"I have no time now, will talk later"

"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"

"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"

"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"

"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."

"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"

"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"

"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"

World's Smallest Elephant

2010-03-29T07:36:00.000-07:00

5 year old Elephent in a Thailand forest is the world's smallest elephant

According to the Guinnes Book Of world records.

Scroll down for pic
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:

Boys will be Boys (Naughty)

2010-03-25T10:17:00.001-07:00

Funny Ads - Laughing is Strictly Prohibited

2010-03-23T06:55:00.000-07:00

Perfect Resume

2010-03-19T08:41:00.000-07:00

Page 1

Page 2

Top 9 Funniest News paper Classifieds

2010-03-18T05:52:00.000-07:00

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man....if only I knew A B C....)

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.
(sure...thanx for the warning!)

3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)

4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)

5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)

6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)

7. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
(uh...huh!)

8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey....who taught cows the bad habit??)

9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work)

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD

2010-03-04T09:01:00.000-08:00

TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian , Mississippi , was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."

George said, "Okay."

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips'residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Teacher and Students

2010-03-02T15:32:00.000-08:00

Thinking fast, by kids in grade school

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

---

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

---

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

---

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

---

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

---

TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!

---

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to! the ground than you are.

---

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

---

TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

---

TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."

---

TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

---

TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

---

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.

---

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

Difference between appraisal and resignation

2010-02-28T07:38:00.000-08:00

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"

Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "

Trainee: "Yes I do"

Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"

Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation

**********

In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.

In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.

**********

In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.

In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.

**********

During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.

During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.

**********

There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.

There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.

**********

Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign ... !!!"

Words women use

2010-02-24T09:13:00.001-08:00

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

***********

Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

***********

Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

***********

Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

***********

Loud Sigh

Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

***********

That's Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

***********

Thanks

This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

***********

ME and MY BOSS

2010-02-23T08:31:00.001-08:00

ME and MY BOSS

When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough

When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,

When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
He is cooperating,

When I make a mistake,
I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
He's only human.

When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
He's on business.

When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
He must be very ill.

When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview .
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked

When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
He never forgets

what to do?????????????

It does not matter Who you are........

2010-02-22T07:27:00.000-08:00

May be you are The King of the World...

May be you are most dangerous...

May be you are independent...

May be you rule others or rule the World...

May be you are loved by evveryone...

Either you are a Gentleman...

Or the most Dangerous Killer...

But The fact is this...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
When you are at home...
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...Wife is Wife...

...Does not matter Who the Hell are you...

Crazy not stupid

2010-02-22T07:22:00.001-08:00

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH (Institute of mental health)
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.
As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.

One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened.
The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem...

no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."

Hereâ€™s what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre.

Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the IMH?"

Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"

Never leave your motorcycle at Grandmas

2010-02-18T10:02:00.000-08:00

Same service

2010-02-16T09:11:00.000-08:00

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said,

"When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it`s all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."

"Why complain ?" said the counselor, "You re still getting the same service!"

Playing with foods

2010-02-11T09:02:00.000-08:00

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't you...

2010-02-10T07:46:00.001-08:00

Funny Pictures

2010-02-09T07:12:00.000-08:00

Interesting Pictures

2010-02-08T06:35:00.000-08:00

What Happens to IT Professionals after Death

2010-02-07T09:50:00.000-08:00

What Happens to IT Professionals after Death

1. PROGRAMMERS

2 . HTML / XML EXPERT

3.NETWORKING EXPERT

Comments on the US Economy

2010-02-04T08:43:00.000-08:00

Not sure if this was really said by Mr. Faber but the content seems true and plausible.

Marc Faber's comment on US economy - TOO GOOD

Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the Following:

'The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer it will go to India. If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.

If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany. If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US. I've been doing my part.'

Sofa Cat

2010-01-31T07:25:00.001-08:00

DRUNK ON THE BUS

2010-01-31T07:05:00.000-08:00

A drunk gets on a bus. The driver, impatient while the drunk fumbles in his pocket for change, drives off. As the bus starts rolling, the drunk reacts to the sudden movement by stumbling all the way to the back of the bus. The bus stops at the next stop.

He reacts by stumbling to the front of the bus.

Still the drunk man is fumbling in his pocket for change. The bus jerks forward once again, and the drunk stumbles uncontrollably to the back of the bus once again. Next stop, the same thing happens.

In fact, every time the bus stops, the man would stagger to the front. Every time the bus starts, he staggers uncontrollably to the back.

A few stops later, the drunk starts to exit the bus from the front.

"Hey," shouts the bus driver.... "You didn't pay your fare yet!"

The drunk, still reeling, shouts back,

"Why should I?!. . . I walked all the way!"

14 Humours of getting married..

2010-01-24T08:40:00.000-08:00

CASE 1

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends.

You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you

wish you had ordered that.

CASE 2

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,

Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other

replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

CASE 3

Before a man is married, he is incomplete. When he is married,

he is finished.

CASE 4

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's

degree and the woman gets her master's status.

CASE 5

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to

get married??" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."

CASE 6

Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man

doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad : "That happens in most countries son."

CASE 7

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."

CASE 8

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes

CASE 9

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

affair ?

CASE 10

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

Case11

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a

fool when I married you." And the husband replied,"Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

CASE 12

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified : "Wife wanted".The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing

"You can have mine."

Paper Bag

2010-01-22T08:30:00.000-08:00

Funny Pictures

2010-01-21T07:18:00.000-08:00

The Drinking Problem

2010-01-20T07:42:00.000-08:00

After 50 years

2010-01-19T08:16:00.001-08:00

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck.

"Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going ?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

Anti Smoking ADS

2010-01-14T09:46:00.000-08:00

There ..... I Fixed It!

2010-01-13T09:43:00.000-08:00

English is a Funny Language

2010-01-07T09:02:00.000-08:00

In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?

Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?

Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?

In what other language do they call the third hand on the clock the second hand?

Why is it called a TV set when you get only one?

Why - in our crazy language - can your nose run and your feet smell?

Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane:

If olive oil is made of olives, what do they make baby oil from?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume?

A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings.

But fingers don't fing and grocers don't groce.

If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?

If the teacher taught, why isn't it also true that the preacher praught?

If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameless and shameful behavior the same?

English is a language in which you can turn a light on and you can turn a light off and you can turn a light out, but you can't turn a light in;

In which the sun comes up and goes down, but prices go up and come down.

In which your nose can simultaneously burn up and burn down and your car can slow up and slow down, in which you can fill in a form by filling out a form and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.

English is a crazy language. What is it that when the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible; and why when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I shall end it?

Tricky Plurals
===============

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;

but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;

yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,

and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,

yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Lets face it, English is a crazy language!

Is windows a virus ??

2010-01-05T08:49:00.001-08:00

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug