Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Corporate language !!

"We will do it"
means
" You will do it"



"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"


"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"




"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"

means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".



"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"




"There was a slight miscommunication"

means
"We had actually lied"




"Lets call a meeting and discuss"


means
"I have no time now, will talk later"

"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"



"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."




"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"



"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"



"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"



"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"



"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."



"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"



"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"



"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"

Monday, March 29, 2010

World's Smallest Elephant

5 year old Elephent in a Thailand forest is the world's smallest elephant

According to the Guinnes Book Of world records.


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Friday, March 19, 2010

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Top 9 Funniest News paper Classifieds

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)


1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man....if only I knew A B C....)

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.
(sure...thanx for the warning!)

3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)

4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)

5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)

6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)

7. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
(uh...huh!)

8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey....who taught cows the bad habit??)

9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work)

Thursday, March 4, 2010

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD

TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.


George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian , Mississippi , was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."

George said, "Okay."

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips'residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"



George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Teacher and Students

Thinking fast, by kids in grade school

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

---

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

---

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

---

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

---

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

---

TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!

---

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to! the ground than you are.

---

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

---

TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

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TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."

---

TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

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TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

---

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.

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SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.